I really haven't updated this for too long. So I will do that for a bit. Too many things have been happening and updating my LJ has not been a priority. Still isn't, I just don't want to study right now. The whole idea of having a journal is questionble to me. A normal journal is kept in secret and that I do not do, because I think its pointless to write things that no one will ever read. This, on the other hand, is comparable to putting up notes on a public billboard. Everyone reads this, everyone comments. So this became a place, where I can communicate with those in my friends list. But I can get in touch with them all using much faster and more reliable methods. Why publish here then? I can't write my "thoughts" and "feelings" here, because I am tired of playing a game where I manipulate people's opinions about me, and exploit this to get my way. If I tell what bothers me, people will comment with very obvoius things and it won't help, but then some of the wrong people will read and what then? Yeah, I currently need to rethink my whole way of approaching people. But, I have been rethinking it for the past year or so. And if I put my reasonings here, then someone will surely lock me up for being a freaking maniac. Must never forget that I am legally insane. So, this will stay a place where I will place useless things when I am bored. And that is unlikely to be happening often, considering that I've filled up all my free time pretty good.
P.S. On my rethinking the approach thing: the general concensus is that I need to start acting on my own, start living for my own sake and in other words, I need to start doing what I want and not what others want me to do. So here is the situation: I haven't talked to my friend for over two weeks, because she said that she isn't too eager to talk to me anymore. I've sent her an email and never recieved a response. I can either send another email, or I can wait for her to email me (because I think that once she will). The general concensus says that I need to wait because I have been the one talking first for way too long. My self, though, says that the longer I wait, the worse I make it for the friendship. We are both stubborn and if we both test other's stubborness to the end, we may never talk to each other again. Also, I think, the general concensus says that I should not listen to the general concensus and rather do what I find right. See the loop? So I will now go back to rething all that and in the end, I will most probably only toss a coin.