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This I will do - Меня зовут Тролль, Диматролль
September 29th, 2003
07:32 am


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This I will do
I really haven't updated this for too long. So I will do that for a bit. Too many things have been happening and updating my LJ has not been a priority. Still isn't, I just don't want to study right now. The whole idea of having a journal is questionble to me. A normal journal is kept in secret and that I do not do, because I think its pointless to write things that no one will ever read. This, on the other hand, is comparable to putting up notes on a public billboard. Everyone reads this, everyone comments. So this became a place, where I can communicate with those in my friends list. But I can get in touch with them all using much faster and more reliable methods. Why publish here then? I can't write my "thoughts" and "feelings" here, because I am tired of playing a game where I manipulate people's opinions about me, and exploit this to get my way. If I tell what bothers me, people will comment with very obvoius things and it won't help, but then some of the wrong people will read and what then? Yeah, I currently need to rethink my whole way of approaching people. But, I have been rethinking it for the past year or so. And if I put my reasonings here, then someone will surely lock me up for being a freaking maniac. Must never forget that I am legally insane. So, this will stay a place where I will place useless things when I am bored. And that is unlikely to be happening often, considering that I've filled up all my free time pretty good.

P.S. On my rethinking the approach thing: the general concensus is that I need to start acting on my own, start living for my own sake and in other words, I need to start doing what I want and not what others want me to do. So here is the situation: I haven't talked to my friend for over two weeks, because she said that she isn't too eager to talk to me anymore. I've sent her an email and never recieved a response. I can either send another email, or I can wait for her to email me (because I think that once she will). The general concensus says that I need to wait because I have been the one talking first for way too long. My self, though, says that the longer I wait, the worse I make it for the friendship. We are both stubborn and if we both test other's stubborness to the end, we may never talk to each other again. Also, I think, the general concensus says that I should not listen to the general concensus and rather do what I find right. See the loop? So I will now go back to rething all that and in the end, I will most probably only toss a coin.

Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: russianrock.com

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

[User Picture]
Date:September 29th, 2003 10:50 am (UTC)
It totally sounds like she needs her space. If I were in your position, I'd give her space. you might want to send her a gift w/ a card saying thanks for the many years of friendship. As time goes by, she may see that as sweet and rethink the whole talking-to-you thing. Then again, I know not the twisted mind of women.
As to posting on your journal, I find the private option very useful. The way I see it, if there's something I want to remember but don't want others to see, that's where it goes. If you want advice, ask in person.
Date:September 29th, 2003 01:10 pm (UTC)

I fully agree with Cat Dancer on all points.

I would also like to add this:

because it is always better to be a deematroll than to have cave trouble.

emidala + deema = bookworlds. That is good stuff.
Date:October 1st, 2003 03:42 pm (UTC)
damn computer.

it is behaving erroneously.

thank you for your exhibitionistic masochism, the use of your phone, your elaborate and comforting cloak, your assistance in the kitchen, your company and your errol flynn style of hugging (otherwise known as attempting to bear me off into the night).

livejournal is extremely exposing. but we don't get enough opportunities to expose ourselves. so customise your security settings and keep posting, please.
[User Picture]
Date:October 2nd, 2003 11:52 am (UTC)
Yay! (general excitement coming from the fact that you posted here)

Could you talk more about customizing security settings? You mean things like "friends only"? Or what? I not yet good with all the LJ features.
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